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I love myself for hating them
Monday 10-05-2009 11:51am ET
When you win a Stanley Cup, you make enemies. With that in mind, here are the Penguins’ most bitter rivals:1. FLYERS. It’s a close race for once, but you’d have to commit genocide to dislodge these war criminals from the top spot. The Flyers’ summertime moves will ratchet things up: Returning members of the KGB are augmented by Chris Pronger, the human crosscheck; Ray Emery, the abominable snowman; grizzled hack Ian Laperriere; and a full season of Daniel Carcillo. You can never be too big, too tough or too stupid.That philosophy hasn’t worked since ‘75, and certainly not the last two postseasons, both ended for the Flyers by the Penguins. Stir in a Wachovia Center crowd utterly devoid of class or common sense – they were chanting “Crosby sucks!” even as he was eliminating the Flyers – and you’ve got tens of thousands of bullies that need put in their place constantly, and it’s fun EVERY SINGLE TIME.The orange-and-black SS beat the Pens half to death – figuratively and literally – for over two decades. Getting even is AWESOME, and our captain is the perfect guy to lead the charge. His smile altered by dimwitted inebriate Derian Hatcher at the tender age of 18, Sidney Crosby has HATED the Flyers since. He won’t admit it. He doesn’t need to. Sid has a whopping 26 goals and 34 assists in 37 career games vs. Philly, and when he gets a star at the Wachovia, he takes a spin in front of the crowd and GLORIES in the abuse. JACKPOT!Pens-Flyers: Inglourious Basterds on ice. Each and every man under my command owes me 100 Flyer scalps…and I want my scalps!2. RED WINGS. I don’t care how many Stanley Cups they have, or how many Hall-of-Fame players dot their roster, the Red Wings are a bunch of babies. Kris Draper is STILL complaining about Crosby’s perceived snub of Nicklas Lidstrom in the Game 7 handshake line and remember, it wasn’t a knee-jerk post-game reaction on Draper’s part – he texted prominent hockey writers the morning after Game 7, and Draper’s anti-Sid campaigning continued all summer.Craig Adams said it best: “Kris Draper needs to get a life.” Claude Lemieux breaking Draper’s face in 1996 seems funny now. OK, I confess…it was funny THEN, too. HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW!Lidstrom is a phony. Detroit’s version of the Mona Lisa is known for grace and honor, but where were those qualities when Crosby got grilled? Lidstrom should have remembered what it was like when he won his first Cup back in the ‘40s and cut Sid some slack. A few kind (and logical) words would have called off the dogs. They were not forthcoming.The Red Wings and their fans act like the Penguins did something wrong by winning the final, like their divine right to again make the Holy Grail property of the sacred Original Six was interrupted by barbarians with bad breath. I have never seen a crowd act less classy when the Cup was presented to the visitors. Mellon Arena certainly did things right in 2008.For a good team, their frequent chest-thumping reveals lots of insecurity. Marian Hossa is gone, but I still loathe the Red Wings. That required a sustained level of stupidity and boorishness that I almost admire.3. CAPITALS. With Alex Ovechkin feuding with Crosby and taking runs at Evgeni Malkin, the Capitals seemed heavy favorites to top this list at last season’s midway point. It just proves that being regarded as a top-level jackass is about longevity and consistency. To wit, Alexander Semin called Crosby “nothing special” but has since said zilch, perhaps because Semin realized he has a last name that’s fun to mispronounce.The Capitals’ Game 7 disappearing act may have them on the pay-no-mind list as far as Penguins fans are concerned. Ovie got schooled by Marc-Andre Fleury, Jesus H. Varlamov leaked more than Antonio Cromartie’s birth control, Mike Green became less relevant than Tom Green, and did Semin even play? Is there video evidence to prove it?Hate the Capitals? When Kris Letang scored to make it 4-0 2:12 into the second period, I started to LOVE the Capitals.We will all despise the Caps again soon, because the most detestable thing about them hasn’t changed. They haven’t won anything, but act like they have. The Capitals have the arrogance you’d expect from a Stanley Cup champ, except teams that have actually WON the Cup realize the fine line, sacrifice and physical toll and are actually HUMBLED by the experience. The Capitals are conceited losers, an oxymoron with emphasis on the last two syllables. Their braggadocio is mindless word-drool.Ovechkin can score, but needs a stylist. Jim Breuer’s stirring show-biz comeback (see JACKPOT! above) reminds me just how much Ovie resembles Goat Boy. That stick sure wasn’t aflame during Game 7.There’s clear distance between the Top 3 and the field. It’s been a long time since Adam Graves slashed Mario, or since the Rangers were more than mere annoyance. Threat = rivalry. The windshield does not have a rivalry with the bug.
I love myself for hating them
Monday 10-05-2009 11:51am ET
When you win a Stanley Cup, you make enemies. With that in mind, here are the Penguins’ most bitter rivals:1. FLYERS. It’s a close race for once, but you’d have to commit genocide to dislodge these war criminals from the top spot. The Flyers’ summertime moves will ratchet things up: Returning members of the KGB are augmented by Chris Pronger, the human crosscheck; Ray Emery, the abominable snowman; grizzled hack Ian Laperriere; and a full season of Daniel Carcillo. You can never be too big, too tough or too stupid.That philosophy hasn’t worked since ‘75, and certainly not the last two postseasons, both ended for the Flyers by the Penguins. Stir in a Wachovia Center crowd utterly devoid of class or common sense – they were chanting “Crosby sucks!” even as he was eliminating the Flyers – and you’ve got tens of thousands of bullies that need put in their place constantly, and it’s fun EVERY SINGLE TIME.The orange-and-black SS beat the Pens half to death – figuratively and literally – for over two decades. Getting even is AWESOME, and our captain is the perfect guy to lead the charge. His smile altered by dimwitted inebriate Derian Hatcher at the tender age of 18, Sidney Crosby has HATED the Flyers since. He won’t admit it. He doesn’t need to. Sid has a whopping 26 goals and 34 assists in 37 career games vs. Philly, and when he gets a star at the Wachovia, he takes a spin in front of the crowd and GLORIES in the abuse. JACKPOT!Pens-Flyers: Inglourious Basterds on ice. Each and every man under my command owes me 100 Flyer scalps…and I want my scalps!2. RED WINGS. I don’t care how many Stanley Cups they have, or how many Hall-of-Fame players dot their roster, the Red Wings are a bunch of babies. Kris Draper is STILL complaining about Crosby’s perceived snub of Nicklas Lidstrom in the Game 7 handshake line and remember, it wasn’t a knee-jerk post-game reaction on Draper’s part – he texted prominent hockey writers the morning after Game 7, and Draper’s anti-Sid campaigning continued all summer.Craig Adams said it best: “Kris Draper needs to get a life.” Claude Lemieux breaking Draper’s face in 1996 seems funny now. OK, I confess…it was funny THEN, too. HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW!Lidstrom is a phony. Detroit’s version of the Mona Lisa is known for grace and honor, but where were those qualities when Crosby got grilled? Lidstrom should have remembered what it was like when he won his first Cup back in the ‘40s and cut Sid some slack. A few kind (and logical) words would have called off the dogs. They were not forthcoming.The Red Wings and their fans act like the Penguins did something wrong by winning the final, like their divine right to again make the Holy Grail property of the sacred Original Six was interrupted by barbarians with bad breath. I have never seen a crowd act less classy when the Cup was presented to the visitors. Mellon Arena certainly did things right in 2008.For a good team, their frequent chest-thumping reveals lots of insecurity. Marian Hossa is gone, but I still loathe the Red Wings. That required a sustained level of stupidity and boorishness that I almost admire.3. CAPITALS. With Alex Ovechkin feuding with Crosby and taking runs at Evgeni Malkin, the Capitals seemed heavy favorites to top this list at last season’s midway point. It just proves that being regarded as a top-level jackass is about longevity and consistency. To wit, Alexander Semin called Crosby “nothing special” but has since said zilch, perhaps because Semin realized he has a last name that’s fun to mispronounce.The Capitals’ Game 7 disappearing act may have them on the pay-no-mind list as far as Penguins fans are concerned. Ovie got schooled by Marc-Andre Fleury, Jesus H. Varlamov leaked more than Antonio Cromartie’s birth control, Mike Green became less relevant than Tom Green, and did Semin even play? Is there video evidence to prove it?Hate the Capitals? When Kris Letang scored to make it 4-0 2:12 into the second period, I started to LOVE the Capitals.We will all despise the Caps again soon, because the most detestable thing about them hasn’t changed. They haven’t won anything, but act like they have. The Capitals have the arrogance you’d expect from a Stanley Cup champ, except teams that have actually WON the Cup realize the fine line, sacrifice and physical toll and are actually HUMBLED by the experience. The Capitals are conceited losers, an oxymoron with emphasis on the last two syllables. Their braggadocio is mindless word-drool.Ovechkin can score, but needs a stylist. Jim Breuer’s stirring show-biz comeback (see JACKPOT! above) reminds me just how much Ovie resembles Goat Boy. That stick sure wasn’t aflame during Game 7.There’s clear distance between the Top 3 and the field. It’s been a long time since Adam Graves slashed Mario, or since the Rangers were more than mere annoyance. Threat = rivalry. The windshield does not have a rivalry with the bug.
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